Man unable to make beans and toast simultaneously demands right to use phone whilst driving 2 tonne van

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Man unable to make beans and toast simultaneously demands right to use phone whilst driving 2 tonne van

As the transport select committee drew links between phone use and a steady rise in road deaths, some MPs have called for stricter guidelines regarding the use of hands-free devices.

However, local man and easily distracted driver Tony Sellers claimed “Bollocks.”

He added “Out of nearly one hundred van journeys I’ve made this year, only 2 have resulted in minor head-on collisions. Even those dollops in health and safety must admit that’s still pretty good odds.”

Work colleague Sarah Timms said “I once saw him bump into a lamppost whilst texting and demanded it apologise… twice, before he looked up.”

“He once said he struggled to follow the plot of a CSI: Miami because he received too many updates from Farmville.”

Available figures from 2017 suggest there were 773 casualties on the roads including 43 as a direct result of people using phones.

In response, Sellers nodded sagely before replying “Look, it’s simple time management, I’ve got several active car insurance claims on the go and I need to use my phone to get those sorted before I get to work.”

Committee chair Lillian Greenwood advised “There’s a misconception that hands-free is safe. The reality is any phone distracts the driver from being to pay full attention to the road and government policy should reflect this.”

Sellers replied “Sorry, missed that,  just got a candy crush notification, what were you saying mate?”

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