Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage has said he is open to an electoral pact with the Conservative Party – if Boris Johnson is genuine about taking the UK out of the EU on 31 October.
On hearing this news Lucifer spread his monstrous wings and solemnly said “it begins. I feared that Boris the Overgrown Clown-Baby and the one they call Farage, Lord of Gammons, would join forces. Once they’ve established power on Earth with the help of the Orange Deceiver in the West they will surely attempt to overthrow me and reign in Hell”.
Mr Farage said Mr Johnson would need to call an election if he wanted a no-deal Brexit, in order to “change the arithmetic” in the Commons. He said there was then a “possibility” of a pact between the parties.
Lucifer does have a plan to disrupt the Farage-Johnson pact. “I have sent my right hand man Mephistopheles to Earth and he will trick them into selling their souls, then they’ll be mine for all eternity!”. However on his return Mephistopheles informed Lucifer that Farage and Johnson did not have souls. “Oh shit” Lucifer said.
Farage added: “I don’t believe a single word the Conservative Party tell us.” A pact between the Brexit Party and the Conservatives could avoid splitting the pro-Brexit vote – but Mr Johnson has previously said he does not believe the Tories should do deals with any other party.
Lucifer begrudgingly agreed with Farage. “I don’t believe a word the Tories come out either, that’s why I’ve usually offered them my support in the past, though Blair still owes me. It’s a terrible thing when one agrees with a Farage statement. I might create another circle of Hell where it’s just Farage talking, stick it between the circles for violence and fraud, although that may be too cruel even for me”.