French President Emmanuel Macron has vowed to rebuild the medieval cathedral of Notre-Dame after a major fire partially destroyed the Paris landmark.
Meanwhile, Brigitte Macron stated she would much rather “List it” and has engaged the services of Channel 4’s lovable property duo Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer to resolve the issue.
“We’ll rebuild this cathedral all together and it’s undoubtedly part of the French destiny and the project we’ll have for the coming years,” said Mr Macron.
Team “List It” Phil Spencer responded by saying, that “This is a common a problem among world leader couples and all too often, it is the man who doesn’t want change. Countless months and thousands of euros, are spent redeveloping a property, only to find that his wife was right all along. Once they see what is available, in their price bracket. I think they will be suitably surprised. If only The Duke of Edinburgh had seen the relocation potential after the Windsor Castle fire, I would have had them living in a four-bed semi near Aylesbury. They so needed to downsize”
Notre Dame, is sited on the Île de la Cité in Paris.
“The parking is atrocious” complained Brigitte Macron. There are far better situated 13th Century cathedrals we could move to, all with better school catchments and public transportation links. After all, I’m not getting any younger”, to which Emmanuel Macron responded
“I appreciate we haven’t improved the property much, over the past 850 years, but perhaps my darling wife will see the potential I have always seen, once we put in a few Veluxs, where the Rose Window is and install a chair lift in the newly renovated spire. Hopefully there will still be room for my extensive Serge Gainsbourg vinyl collection, but I appreciate there may have to be compromises.”
Team “Love It” leader Kirstee Allsopp
Said. “In my experience, once a couple see the potential of the property, the desire to move disappears as fast as my children’s iPads, when I walk in the room”.
“Often, all is required is to knock down a few walls, put on a family room extension, paint everything white and Team “List It” will be eating out of my hands. Have you seen the ridiculous location of the front door? That’ll have to go. And what about all that stained glass? Sheesh! that’s on the ‘danger list’ as well”
Meanwhile Team “List It” leader Phil Spencer
Countered, “The difficulty for me will be finding suitably sized gothic properties within easy reach of Paris, however with Gare de Nord, only a stone’s throw away, let’s not rule out London, as I hear Westminster Abbey may soon be on the market, with the current owners in need of a few quid come 22nd May or 31st October. You can pick which year “, he then cheerily giggled.
So whilst the world watches on in horror at the devastation caused to this much loved world relic
A Channel 4 press release announced that the spin-offs for this special, has huge potential. “I doubt whether we’ll be able to pack this episode into 60 minutes and may have to theme next season’s viewing around this tragedy. We’ve already got a French version of “8 out 10 Cats” proposed, although Rachel Riley isn’t too happy at tippexing all the little accents and cedillas onto our current letters set. B&Q are really excited about being our mainstream sponsor”.
The World watches on.