Sensing that Britain was still, somehow, a divided nation in spite of leaving the E.U last Friday. Boris Johnson attempted to build bridges with remain voters…
…by admitting he only lied repeatedly and doubled back on his 2013 remain position in order to further his own career.
“It really was nothing more than that, beneath it all, I still wholeheartedly believe the UK would be better off in the E.U on that we agree… But you know… we all have to do things we don’t necessarily like to get ahead in the workplace. Be it photocopying, coffee runs or heading a campaign of lies whilst having to stand near Michael Gove.”
“But you can’t argue with the results.” the now Prime Minister added.
Addressing a room full of concerned remain voters unsure how Brexit would affect their business Johnson continued “You know how you just kind of say anything to get a job, well, I’ve never even had a proper job and kept getting sacked in my government roles… imagine the jibberish I had to spout to land Prime minister.”
“I’m keen to represent all voters equally, that being the case I’ll also be giving a speech to leave voters called ‘I was only leave to to further my career’ which should help explain to them why I can’t deliver any of the supposed benefits of Brexit I promised.”
“I’ll be taking questions now. Please understand, the answer to all questions will be ‘suck it up, buttercup. You lost’ “