A lonely man confessed to eating four times a week at his local school to stop from feeling ‘down in the dumps.’
The man was discovered dressed in a grown up sized Eton school uniform standing at the back of the queue for ‘seconds’ in the meat pie dinner line at a grammar school near Windsor.
When challenged by school security guards the man, who was later identified as Prince Andrew, ‘did a runner.’ However, after evading the guards by dodging tackles as he wobbled his fat royal arse across the rugger pitch, he was later caught by prefects having a ‘crafty fag behind the wooden buildings.’
The Prince was ordered to do two laps of the rugger pitch with his trousers around his ankles, and then told to write ‘I must not blag free dinners from the lower orders’ one hundred times.
“I wasn’t after the free nosh,” bleated an unhappy looking disgraced royal and bigheaded twat as he struggled to spell the word dinners, “I was feeling lonely, that’s all. Nobody likes me anymore and I just can’t figure out why. I’m Prince Andrew, for fuck’s sake. I’m practically a god!”
His Royal Lieness then went on to say that he’d nicked the Eton clobber he was wearing from his ex-bestie Jeffrey Epstein’s closet when he was on one of his New York visits for his pitch@palace charity, giving young lady applicants their medicals.
However the school headmistress was scathing about the Prince’s covert visits to the dinner lines.
“As the 5thrichest royal with over £56 million in his back pocket you’d think he’d cough up the couple of quid it costs for lunch here,” said the head, Miss Demeanour, “He’s been bumming off the taxpayer all his life. Lonely or not, he’s not going to bum off my school!”