London Zoo shares collection of x-rays. Those from the ‘Commons Enclosure’ definitive proof that political animals rarely have spines.

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ZSL London Zoo shares collection of x-rays, proving definitively that MPs don’t have spines

The veterinary team at ZSL London Zoo has shared a selection of X-rays made during routine health checks of its 18,000 animals. This is likely most people’s first opportunity to glimpse the inner workings of animals like snakes, turtles and armadillos.

The most enlightening X-rays are those of the animals kept in the zoo’s Commons enclosure. These images prove without question what many have long believed – all MPs are completely spineless.

A tour of the zoo reveals more about these curious creatures:  

In the tank, staying afloat but only just – the venomous Sting May. She appears to have a cast-iron stomach, which explains how she can consume vast quantities of mouldy jam without repercussion. Unfortunately for a creature so prone to making herself look stupid, she appears unable to swallow her pride.

On a nearby rock, ribbiting away in Latin to anyone who’ll listen – the Jacob Rees-Frog. This slimy amphibian is noted for his prodigious reproductive rate, as well as his ability to leap to safety whenever his lily pad starts to sink.

Lying dazed and confused having crashed into a window – the Great Tit, commonly known as Boris Johnson. Easy to spot due to his bright yellow plumage, this flightless bird has somehow ended up in charge of relations with foreign zoos, despite a history of insensitive remarks made towards birds of other colours.

Finally, sat alone in the vegetable patch having scared off the rest of his kind – the lesser-spotted Jeremy. This creature used to be popular with the zoo’s younger visitors, but those who stopped to read the info plaque found slightly more antisemitism than they’d bargained for.

“We can tell so much about an animal’s health from looking at an X-ray,” says one of the veterinary nurses at ZSL.

All available evidence indicates that the UK’s political system is at the very least extremely ill, if not already lying face down in its cage and being eyed up as dinner for the gorilla called Donald next door.

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