London to get £3.5 billion ‘Brexitland’ theme park funded by taxpayers.

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London to get £3.5 billion 'Brexitland' theme park funded by taxpayers.

A £3.5 billion theme park set to rival Disneyland is planned to open just 20 minutes from outside of London.

‘Brexitland’ is planned to open in the near future in Kent, with developers issuing the following statement:

“We’re proud to announce that Brexitland will be open to the public in 2021….or 2022…or 2023…maybe 2024…2027 at the latest…unless we have to push it back by a few months, but it’s definitely happening. Seriously.”

The taxpayer funded park is expected to feature a wide variety of attractions, including:

  • Michael Gove’s multi-faced hall of mirrors.
  • It’s a small world (Minus Europe)
  • The new trade rates of the Caribbean
  • Indiana Jones and the Backstop conundrum
  • Haunted Mansion (A replica of Rees-Mogg’s estate home)
  • Brexitland Railroad (Expected to suffer delays)
  • Tommy Robinson’s Prison of peril
  • Boris Johnson political stance carousel
  • The Yellowhammer drop

The park will also feature over 30 restaurants, nearly all of them a Wetherspoons, except for a couple of Tesco Expresses.

People of all ages will be able to visit, although younger visitors will be charged double, and their extra fee will go towards OAPs getting in for free, even though they’ll spend way less time there and it’ll be worse than they expected it to be.

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