Lockdown: dog tells his owner to ‘bugger off and give me some space’

Health, Lifestyle and Family
Lockdown- dog tells his owner to 'bugger off and give me some space'

The UK remains in lockdown and many people haven’t left their homes for over a week.

And one dog in Dorking has asked his owner to ‘bugger off and give me some space.’  Ralf, a labradoodle said he’s now realised just how much of his life he’s wasted sitting in the window desperately awaiting the return of his owner, Pete. Ralf said he ‘used to pine for Pete’s return’ from 8.30 all the way through until he got in from work at 6.00 with just the ‘occasional nap or bite to eat’ to pass the time. He described how he survived Pete’s daily abandonment by adopting a routine of ‘sleeping on my bed for a bit’ before ‘having a stretch and then grabbing some shut eye on the sofa or by the radiator’ and then ‘tucking into some of that weird biscuit stuff that’s apparently good for me. But not the greens ones, they’re minging.’ He would occasionally intersperse this with staring out of the window, hurling himself at the door if anybody posted something and sitting on the windowsill staring blankly into the street and desperately waiting for Pete to come home.

But he said that since Pete’s been working from home, he’s realised just how dull he is, and has questioned why his owner used to spend so much time and money going to work when his job seems to involve nothing but watching Netflix. He said having the TV on all the time ‘disturbs his sleep’ and that ‘every now and then he adds the sound of furiously tapping away in his laptop’ which is ‘just another distraction, and something he’s clearly not very good at given the amount of time he spends deleting what he’s just written.’

‘All in all,’ Ralf said, ‘I preferred it when he was out of my hair for a bit. I mean these days he gets up late, he strokes me every time he walks past, which not only disturbs my sleep but isn’t a patch on the proper fuss I used to get every time he came home from work, and he’s now restricted me to just one walk a day! He’s blaming Boris but I’m not sure I believe that. I know Boris. He’s a Chiwawa from across the way and he lives for his walks so I don’t see why he would bring in a rule like that.’

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