Loch Ness Monster may be a giant eel, say scientists
Having ruled out dinosaurs, giant catfish, elephants, aliens, some sort of vast walking bagpipe creature and Lord Lucan, scientists have decided that Nessie is most likely a giant eel.
This despite zero evidence of giant eels, or in fact any proof such things ever existed.
But however implausible this may sound, statistically speaking, it is more likely to happen than a general election this October.
Let’s look at the evidence…
Boris Johnson attacks Jeremy Corbyn for blocking a general election
The Prime Minister has called for a general election for three reasons.
- Nobody is going to elect a communist
- In his view; people with beards are not allowed to become Prime Minister.
- He is as mad as a soluble oil rig
However it is for these reasons, well the first one at least, that there is more chance of a gigantic slippery Anguilliform (eel) bursting out of the brown depths than the country going to the polls.
Jeremy Corbyn, nice old man that he is, has about as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as Rees-Mogg has of sitting up straight during a debate.
He’s so useless that Boris would in all likelihood beat him and it’s unlikely a man of his age could take that kind of shock, let alone the rest of us.
If you add to that the fact that half the cabinet, most of parliament and even his own brother have told Boris to fuck off …our money is on the eel.
In fact the eel has more chance of being being Prime Minister this Christmas than Mr Johnson…except that in all likelihood it is a member of the SNP.