Live-action reboot for ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’. Scarlett Johansson to play the lead.

Entertainment, Art & Culture

Disney are working on a live-action remake of the 1996 animated classic, The Hunchback of Notre Dame.  

Quasimodo, the titular hunchback, will be played by Hollywood’s favourite white person, Scarlett Johansson.

Johansson – who has frequently been honoured/objectified as the ‘sexiest woman alive’ in grotty lad mags like Maxim, Playboy, and the Marvel Universe Visual Compendium – says taking on the role of a physically deformed man who lives in a Paris cathedral is the logical next step for her career.

She pointed out that she will feel at home among Quasimodo’s gargoyle friends, having frequently starred opposite Robert Downey Jr.

“Don’t print that last bit”, she added.

This isn’t ScarJo’s first controversial casting. She has a recurring role as the Marvel character ‘Black Widow’…

…despite being neither black, a widow, or (at time of writing) an actual black widow spider.

Johansson was criticised for her role in ‘Ghost in the Shell’ as a character who was originally Japanese. And she recently stepped away from playing a trans man in ‘Rub and Tug’ amid backlash from the trans community.

This article originally contained a joke about ‘Lost in Translation’, but it has been removed due to its deeply offensive nature.

‘Beauty and the Beast’ star Josh Gad is rumoured to have been cast – the actor tweeted a not-so-subtle selfie taken in front of Notre Dame cathedral.

Bryan Cranston may also have a role. The able-bodied actor and renowned crystal meth dealer was recently criticised for portraying a quadriplegic billionaire.

Defending this, Cranston said, “I am a multi-millionaire, so imagining myself as a billionaire isn’t that hard.”

He should face no such controversy over the ‘Hunchback’ remake and his decision to play Esmeralda – the gypsy dancing girl who is a kidnap victim and sexual assault survivor in the original novel.

“I understand her struggle”, he said.

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