The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish National Party have failed in their legal attempt to prevent ITV broadcasting an election debate tomorrow evening featuring only Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn.
“It’s nothing short of a disgrace,” whined the leader of the SNP in the House of Commons, Ian Blackford, outside the High Court after the judgement, “Persecuted by the bloody English since the Scots could walk upright, this is yet another slap across our ruddy red, ginger bonced faces.”
Leader of the Liberal Democrats and head girl Jo Swinson was equally as hacked off, saying, “My Mummy is really annoyed at this decision. She’d said I could stay up after 9 o’clock tomorrow if I could take part, and I didn’t have to do my geography homework. She’d invited all the neighbours round to watch me on the telly as well.”
Clad only in a Tam o’ shanter, frock and galoshes, a bare-chested rabid Blackford went on to demand that the SNP take part in the next Prince Andrew interview.
“His Royal Lieness Prince Andrew was given nearly an hour’s prime time TV last night to promote his hobbies,” barked Blackford, “Not a single Scottish MP took part, and Scotland was not even mentioned once. This is a disgrace! I understand following his ‘one-man-show’ he is soon likely to be making another appearance, this time in front of the FBI. I demand that the SNP are included in this interview!”
Equally as adamant that the Lib Dems be included in the Prince of Arrogance’s FBI show was Swinson, screeching, “We in the Lib Dems have an excellent track record of harbouring sexual perverts and freaks. There’s Cyril Smith to name just a few, and don’t forget Jeremy Thorpe! So, we’ve earned the right to sit alongside Prince Andrew when he gives a deposition to the feds… or is this a ‘woman’ thing?”