Amidst all the nonsense continuing to surround Brexit, MPs have announced their latest ‘hair-brained’ plan, as running around the corridors of Parliament hitting one-another with rolled up newspapers doesn’t seem to be working.
The leader of the proposed Government of National Unity will now be chosen in a BGT-style show. Broadcaster are predicting the televised show will break records, with viewing figures expected to run into double figures.
The show will be aired live on Channel 5. Every other channel is expected to benefit as the general viewing public desperately look for something else to watch.
The line-up will include:
Jeremy Corbyn (Labour) with his unique ‘sending a glass eye to sleep’ routine.
Ken Clarke (Caring Conservative) as Mr Bumble – the cruel, pompous beadle of the poorhouse where Oliver Twist was raised.
Harriet Harmen (conservative with a small c) doing the ‘Hokey-Cokey in-out, in-out, shake it all about’ number.
Boris Johnson (Brexit Party Wanna-be) with his rendition of ‘I did it my way’
Ian Blackford (SNP) with a Scottish reel, ‘I’ll take the high road and you’ll take the low road – and I’ll be in Scotland before you.
Nigel Farage (Little England Party) with his 1970s stand-up routine – guaranteed to offend pretty much everybody.
Arlene Phillips (DUP) has refused to appear unless there is a large deposit of cash into the coffers of Northern Ireland
Judges on behalf of the British people have been chosen based on their desire to maintain their property portfolios:
Kim Jong Un (peace activist)
Donald Trump (Green campaigner)
Vladimir Putin (War Lord)
Donald Tusk (Independent judge)
Organisers issued an immediate apology, firstly for the fact that all acts will undoubtedly be utter crap, and secondly because the judging panel is made of men – despite the rumours. It transpires the researcher who was trying to source the token woman thought Kim-Jong-Un was a girl’s name.