Jesus was scheduled to rise from the dead following his Crucifixion on Good Friday, but the Government have advised him to remain inside his Cave for the time being,
Going to the pub on a Friday night was a normal thing to do before the coronavirus lockdown kicked in. Many have joined video chat pages, having a civilised debate, cheaper drink and banter in the ‘virtual pub’. Yet still the prick from the real pub has wormed his way in and is annoying everyone about ‘flatting the curve’ and herd immunity.
Last friday, the fifth governor of Judea crucified a Jewish citizen for spreading propaganda and potentially quashing a potentially dangerous uprising. Acting on a tip by Judas Iscariot, the Roman’s were able to intercept the seditious Jesus “Rewarded with a 30 silver pieces, this upstanding citizen is an example to us all, Judas will no doubt be remembered for doing the world a great service.” said a jubilant Pontius Pilate.
With Boris Johnson still recovering in hospital, some people are calling for a caretaker Prime Minister. And Jim from Hillside Secondary Modern said he’s heard the call and wants to throw his hat into the ring. Jim said he prefers the term Site Manager but that ‘a time of national crisis is not the place to be discussing semantics.’