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No one at all surprised Boris probably fucked floppy-haired blonde narcissist

Coronavirus symptoms now confirmed to manifest in Arseholes

March 28, 2020

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has tested positive for coronavirus. This has led the nation’s scientists to confirm that coronavirus symptoms can now infect more body parts than previously thought. Symptoms can be found primarily in the chest and lungs, but this is now proof that symptoms can also manifest in arseholes, no matter the size.

Virus that mostly kills poor people and isn't an STD dismissed as complete non-issue by Boris

Johnson urges everyone to remain in fridge after testing positive for Corona Virus

March 28, 2020

After testing positive for Corona virus, Boris Johnson urged people to heed advice to self-isolate. Ideally from a well equipped Smeg fridge. “I’ve always found the 6 by 3 foot Smeg to be a space of great comfort whenever Andrew Neill is in the area or whenever Cummings is in one of his ‘bitey’ moods. I’d say it’s ideal for riding out this emergency.”

Dominic Raab training like he's in the Rocky montage

Dominic Raab training like he’s in the Rocky montage

March 27, 2020

Boris Johnson has tested positive for Covid-19. As such, ‘Designated Survivor’, Dominic Raab, has been training like he’s Rocky in that montage that everyone knows. You know, the one with the ‘dada daaaaaaa, dada daaaaaaaa’ music.