Theresa May is due to leave Number 10 next week. However, due to a lack of planning, she’s requested an extension to the 31st October.
Latest News
Ryanair threaten to ruin family holidays by flying every flight every day.
July 19, 2019Ryanair’s British pilot union is to ballot members on possible industrial action. Whilst the impact of strike action is being considered, it seems the most effective way to damage Ryanair’s reputation is to fly every flight, every day ensuring all customers receive the ‘unique’ Ryanair experience.
Tory plan to use Queen to stop no-deal Brexit backfires as she turns up in Brussels on a dragon
July 19, 2019Senior Tories seeking to block a no-deal Brexit are examining a radical plan involving the Queen. However the Queen has her own plan which involves flying to Brussels on her 40 foot dragon ‘Sax-Coburg’.
“And you go back to where YOU came from!” Native Americans tell Trump
July 19, 2019Countries around the world are becoming jittery at the prospect of Mr Trump leaving the States and turning up on their borders begging for political asylum. In Germany Angela Merkel commented: “Usually I like to try to help refugees, however I think in this case it’s a ‘nein danke’ from me.”
“Labour For The Many, Not The Jew” says Baroness Hayter – as she compares Corbyn to Hitler
July 18, 2019The peer was critical of Mr Corbyn’s inner circle. Although Mr Corbyn has notoriously refused to be drawn on those haemorrhoids.
“Food Poisoning For All” – Boris reveals Post-Brexit Vision
July 18, 2019“My vision, for a post-Brexit Britain, is one where smoked fish based food poisoning is just not just the affliction of royalty and the upper-middle classes, but a condition freely available to the whole populous.”, waffled the leading contender in the most one-sided competition since the US Ladies football team beat Thailand 13-0.
Trump’s ICE officers face difficultly sending undocumented aliens back to Vulcan
July 18, 2019“ICE are targeting very stern men, women and vulnerable children with unfashionable haircuts and eyebrows which naturally reach a 45 degree angle. The real problem is deporting them to their home world. They will be held in detention camps until NASA comes up with a workable, cost-effective solution. We cannot guarantee that families will not be separated during the process.”
Bat bites baby: World waits to see if he develops super powers.
July 18, 2019The world waits with bated breath to see if he develops a range of superhuman/bat-like powers. It’s not known yet if the bat was radioactive and developed in a lab by an evil scientist with plans for world domination, which would virtually guarantee the child some kind of super ability.
“This is one giant leap for mankind, so can you please hold my tiny hand and help me down?” says Trump.
July 18, 2019It’s been fifty years this week since Apollo 11 landed on the moon! Here’s 8 fascinating (oh, yes they are!) facts that you may or may not know related to the moon landing, or nine if you count this sentence.
Husbands getting pretty fucked off with how long Love Island is lasting
July 18, 2019The long-running sub-reality show has just surpassed Coronation Street for how long it feels it’s been on TV. Husband, Barry Batterhead, said, “Fuck me. I just want to get on with watching some sub-par BBC drama series for an hour a night, as it’s the only time we watch something together.”
