Latest News

ITV to offer therapy for Love Island viewers. (On an 0845 number - of course!)

ITV to offer therapy for Love Island viewers. (On an 0845 number).

May 23, 2019

ITV is to offer this year’s Love Island contestants eight therapy sessions when they return home from the show.  The series of eight therapy sessions could be extended depending on ITV2’s viewing figures after broadcasting them. ITV will also be offering therapy sessions to Love Island viewers. Viewers will be encouraged to call a special […]

Theresa May is to meet the 1922 executive to offer 'clear understanding' of the rough outline of the draft timetable of her eventual departure from number 10, possibly

Andrea Leadsom resigns. “Oh, THAT’s how you do it!” says Theresa May. “It’s that easy?!”

May 23, 2019

Mrs Leadsom resigned because she said the new Brexit plan has, “elements I cannot support, that aren’t Brexit.” The PM appeared puzzled by this until senior advisors explained that for some people, acting in a way at odds with their fundamental beliefs about democracy causes them to feel uncomfortable, and then they take action for example, resigning their political position.

European Elections Rolling Coverage

The News Dump’s European Election Rolling Coverage

May 23, 2019

As the country casts their votes to select MEPs who we assume will all be out of a job come November – the UK’s main news outlets are legally obliged to maintain a media blackout – they won’t report any election news until the ballots are closed. The same rules don’t apply to made-up-news – so we’re here to fill that gap.

Government to hold fourth vote, on why we can't have a second

Government to hold fourth vote, on why we can’t have a second

May 22, 2019

The prime minister will outline changes to the Withdrawal Agreement Bill – including a promise to give MPs a vote on holding another referendum. Provided such a vote will be preceded by a number of “Indicative Votes” , the United Kingdom winning the Eurovision Song Contest in  2020, England winning the World Cup in 2022 and a total eclipse of the sun being visible from Westminster.