Labour move to position themselves as ‘the party of division’ over Brexit

UK Politics
Alistair Campbell voting Lib Dem is far worse than him taking us into an illegal war in Iraq, say Labour

As preparations for a general election are stepped up, the Labour Party has moved to position itself as the party of division.

Putting himself at odds with Jeremy Corbyn, deputy leader Tom Watson said there is ‘no such thing as a good Brexit deal’ and that Labour must campaign unequivocally to remain.

A party spokesman said Jeremy Corby was unavailable for comment as he was ‘currently undergoing his weekly procedure to remove the splinters from his arse’ but confirmed the party has shifted towards a policy of imploding on itself over Brexit as a means of garnering public support. He told The Newsdump that the Labour party needs to be ‘in tune with the country’ and ‘as the government, the Tory party, Parliament and the electorate are all divided over Brexit then we need to be too.’

The Labour manifesto in any upcoming election is expected to promise a commitment to a better Brexit deal, but not to commit to either Leave or Remain at that stage.

Shadow Brexit Secretary Keir Starmer said the party is ‘very united’

over their decision to be divided and defended the announcement saying, ‘Jeremy Corbyn and Tom Watson have always been on the same page. Admittedly that page is in a metaphorical French-English dictionary and they’re speaking different languages, but it should be clear from this development that they are deeply and unashamedly united in their desire to each do their own thing and keep voters guessing as to the direction of the party.’

He added that there is a ‘good discussion going on’ and that Labour ‘are not the party of shutting down discussion.’

It’s unclear what the discussion is about but sources indicate that it’s whether Rich Tea or Digestive is the best biscuit for dunking, with Mr Corbyn favouring the dry, dour Rich Tea and Mr Watson preferring the Digestive despite it being a bit crumbly and likely to cause an unnecessary splash at any moment’

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