Justin Bieber launches line of streetwear adorned with faces. Real faces. The faces of his mortal enemies.

Business, Entertainment, Art & Culture
Justin Bieber launches line of streetwear adorned with faces. Real faces. The faces of his mortal enemies

Pop sensation Justin Bieber has dropped the first collection from his new fashion line. Most of the items prominently feature faces with drooping eyes and the brand name ‘Drew’ where their mouths should be.

It has been revealed by an inside source that these faces once belonged to Bieber’s enemies.

He’s come into conflict with many celebs over the years – including Orlando Bloom, Seth Rogan and Deadmau5. 

In a leaked video, the heavily tattooed and globally feared Canadian popstar-slash-warlord is seen at his fortress in the Rocky mountains, discussing the designs with his business partner, an actual bear:

“There’s Taylor”, he says, indicating one of the many, many T-shirts decorated with human skin that surround his throne of swords:

“Not so Swift now, are ya? That’s what you get for dissin’ the Biebs, yo!”

Bieber then high-fives the bear, before showing off the hoody he’s wearing:

“Remember when I went to the Vatican and they told me off for playing football in the corridor?”

Yes, that happened. 2014. Google it.

Bieber spins, revealing the face of Pope Francis crudely stitched to the hoody’s reverse.

“Guess that proves I’m God”, Bieber then says, for the avoidance of all doubt.

Some items in the range don’t feature faces – just the brand name embossed onto a weird fuzzy beige material.

A writer at GQ who received one such shirt said he would actually have been less disgusted, had it been fashioned from flayed human flesh.

“I mean, look at it. It’s like Chewbacca’s scrotum. At least with skin, you know it’s going to be comfortable.”

The writer was unavailable for further comment, but is now available as a pair of slippers.

  • 9

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.