During a talk in Yorkshire, David Cameron referred to Prime Minister Boris Johnson as a ‘greased piglet’.
Johnson, knowing that the phrase is an obvious term of attraction coming from Cameron, has politely turned the ex prime minister down.
“I am well aware of David’s type, and what gets him going, so him calling me a ‘greased pig’ is certainly making his intentions very clear. He couldn’t be any more obvious with that phrase. I am flattered of course, but not interested in having any sort of sexual relationship with him.”
It’s believed Mr Johnson has no interest in fucking Mr Cameron, as he’s not a family on welfare, or an American blonde with some lucrative business grant.
Mr Cameron said: “The thing about the greased piglet is that he manages to slip through other people’s hands where mere mortals fail.”
Cameron then elaborated:
“But some of us are able to catch those pigs and do amazing, physically intense things with them. Those wiggly little pigs…wiggly…wiggly little pigs. They act like they don’t want you to catch them. But they do, they just want you to work for it, those greasy little pigs. And sometimes the grease is more than just a metaphor.”
The event was the first night of Harrogate’s literature festival and Mr Cameron was frequently heckled.
This of course did not phase Mr Cameron, who has had more profanity thrown at him than the set of a Martin Scorsese movie, or the headset of a 14 year old playing Call of Duty.
Mr Cameron described the years following the referendum as “very painful for the country”.
He was very aware of this, being the person who had attached the nipple clamps to the country, before asking the population if they wanted to turn on the power to the car battery attached to them.
Mr Cameron ended his speech by once again referring to Boris Johnson, and calling him ‘Babe’.
When an audience member asked “Do you mean the sexy noun, or the movie pig?” Mr Cameron simply replied “Yes.”