Johnson urges everyone to remain in fridge after testing positive for Corona Virus

UK Politics
Virus that mostly kills poor people and isn't an STD dismissed as complete non-issue by Boris

After testing positive for Corona virus, Boris Johnson urged people to heed advice to self-isolate. Ideally from a well equipped Smeg fridge. “I’ve always found the 6 by 3 foot Smeg to be a space of great comfort whenever Andrew Neill is in the area or whenever Cummings is in one of his ‘bitey’ moods. I’d say it’s ideal for riding out this emergency.”

The stricken Prime Minister said “A lot of people has said this is karma for the Tories systematically dismantling the NHS for the past ten years.”

Johnson continued “I’m obviously private. If I’d ever have had to use the NHS aside from that massive lie of the side of the bus then hospitals would be better equipped than Michael Gove whenever he’s asked to bullshit.”

“If I eventual succumb to this dreadful virus at least I died as I lived, ideologically ignoring the EU who offered to supply emergency ventilators so I could give a bung to a company that backed the Tories during the election.”

“Just hope Dyson’s ventilators are better than their shit hoovers…”

An unnamed NHS worker who was “surprised” by the government’s Herd Immunity strategy was quoted as saying “It’s not often I’m rooting for the potentially lethal and extremely contagious virus that has no cure and has already killed thousands… But fuck that guy.”

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