Boris Johnson has been rushed to White Chapel Hospital after a suspected psychotic break caused him to answer a question honestly.
A tearful Dominic Cummings said “He was on the phone to Virgin media as the broadband was down. They were asking him to confirm his date of birth which he was obviously prevaricating and avoiding like a true statements.”
“He way saying ‘You know it’s me… just put me through you big girls blouse… OF COURSE you can access my account without breaching data protection! Chicken… You’re CHICKEN.’ it was a beautiful thing to see.”
Pausing, the visible distressed Cummings continued “Then, I hear him spell out ‘k i l l t h e p o o r’ which I immediately recognised as his account password. They’d asked him a question and he’d just responded like a normal human being.”
“Thank goodness this willingness to answer basic questions didn’t take hold of him during Wednesday’s PMQ’s in parliament.”
Nurses for the ailing Prime Minister said “He was answering everything; he confirmed his blood type no problem, gave a truthful reply when we asked if he’d suffered any head injuries recently… he even admitted that he wasted £53 million of taxpayers money to try and build that garden bridge with Joanna Lumley because his penis was tiny.”