Last night, Boris Johnson sent an unsigned photocopy requesting a Brexit extension to comply with the Benn act. He also sent a second letter urging Donald Tusk to reject the request.
Following this Machiavellian political manoeuver, Johnson revealed a further bombshell for the E.U negotiators. At the time of agreeing to pay the £39 billion divorce bill, he’d had his fingers crossed –the entire time– voiding the legality of any future demand for payment.
Insiders at Number 10 said Johnson was now quashing cabinet arguments by hovering a finger in front of dissenter’s faces and saying “Can’t get mad, I’m not touching you.”
Buoyed by these successes, it is understood that Johnson has also been getting ahead of any further potential resignations in his by party confronting MPs and loudly announcing “You’ve dropped your gay card.” If they look down, the prime minister laughs loudly.
It is understood parliamentary H.R. has been notified.
When approached for comment on how he saw the negotiations going forward, Johnson responded “I’ve picked up some tips from one of my illegitimate infant children.”
“I’ll mostly be repeating what I want again and again and then repeating ‘Please! Please! PLEASE! PLEASE’ ”
“It works brilliantly. I always end up giving him whatever he wants. It’s just so much easier than acting responsibly and comsidering the long term results of my actions.”