Following his successful attempt to prorogue parliament, an emboldened Johnson has now taken to bringing a live explosive device into work.
The Prime Minister explained “I find people are usually against incredibly destructive weapons of war in the workplace. However, when you wrap something staggeringly dangerous up with a post-it note saying ‘will of the people’, I can do what I want.”
Johnson continued “Will of the people, or Willy as I like to call him, has already been very useful in silencing dissent. Just yesterday, Jeremy Corbyn was about to call me some naughty words; I surprised him with my willy by pretending to throw it at him, he was so scared he almost dropped his home-grown beetroot compote.”
“Sometimes people ask me ‘Boris, remember that time you couldn’t organise a successful zip line at the Olympics without making a cunt of yourself? Are you really best placed to prorogue parliament?’ ”
“That’s when I thrust my Willy in their face. They soon back down.”
“When you haven’t been elected to the public and suddenly you’re also not accountable to M.Ps you can get a lot more done.” He added
“Some people say what I’m doing to parliament right now is incredibly dangerous. So I just flash my Willy at them and they shut up, usually run away too. Good ol’ Will of the People totally overrides any rational argument anyone makes.”
At press time, a weeping Johnson had to be forcibly restrained pulling the pin after discovering Trump had yet to followed him back on Twitter.