Johnson and Reese-Mogg make Farage a ‘Brexit offer he can’t refuse’

Entertainment, Art & Culture, UK Politics
Johnson and Reese-Mogg make Farage a 'Brexit offer he can't refuse'

Nigel Farage was approached by a ‘middle man’ to sound him out over accepting a peerage from the Government, it was claimed last night.

Through our confidential source (Chris Grayling ) we have now discovered the ‘middle man’ in question was Jacob Rees-Mogg, acting on behalf of Boris Johnson. Apparently, Farage had been overheard in his local (The No Foreigners Inn) saying, “as far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a Lord.” Chris ‘Seven-times-before-I-get-it-right’ Grayling, a master at playing both sides of the tracks had been in the pub at the same time, nursing a half-pint of Hofmeister. He was quickly on the phone to Boris, explaining what he’d heard.

Allies of the Brexit Party leader say the move appeared to be an attempt to ‘buy him off’ and remove the threat he poses in a General Election.

Boris had taken the call from Grayling while sharing dinner cooking duties with Rees-Mogg, who had just finished cutting a garlic clove into extremely thin slices with a razor blade – They dissolve quickly in the Tomato sauce. According to ‘Seven-times’, Boris then instructed Rees-Mogg to: “Pay a visit to a friend of ours and make him an offer he can’t refuse.” Rees-Mogg wasn’t keen on playing the messenger but Johnson told him to “get it fucking done – stop acting like an ‘Eton mess’… or I’m getting out my ‘Eton rifle’.

A source said: ‘It seems someone thought that if Nigel was given a place in the Lords, he would call off his dogs and make it more likely the Tories would win a majority at the next Election.’

The next day, Farage met Rees-Mogg at his local pub, ‘The Nanny’s Arms’, where they both ordered a pint of ‘Disqualified Directors Bitter’. Grayling, disguised as a Policeman, nursed a half-pint of XXXX and was able to covertly observe them. Farage told Mogg, “Listen, I got what’s coming to me – what am I, a fucking Mirage or a Farage?” Rees-Mogg bought him a pack of dry roasted peanuts to calm him down, then whispered: “The boss knows you got a Lordship coming your way – all’s you gotta do is call off your dogs – capiche?” Unfortunately, the meeting then ended abruptly as Grayling’s cover was blown due to him trying to arrest an underage drinker.

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