Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage have reluctantly agreed to bury their emperor-sized egos and form an uneasy alliance in the General Election.
Mr Farage has announced his Brexit Party won’t contest seats currently held by the Conservatives, because he’s been reassured that Mr Johnson is ruling out an extension to the transition period for leaving the EU.
Many political commentators are speculating the two men reached a confidential agreement between themselves after being ordered to do so by Donald Trump.
However, it’s transpired Mr Trump was only a cog in the overall chain. The plan was actually the brainchild of the loveable former KGB spy and current most powerful man in America, Vladimir Putin.
Mr Putin confirmed his role in the plot, commenting: “In all honesty I don’t think this is cunning enough to merit being called a conspiracy. In fact when you look at the facts it’s pretty obvious I’m running the whole thing quite openly.
“Due to the intelligence of extreme Brexiteers and Trump supporters, there’s little need for covert activity. For some reason they seem to love being part of the Western world’s downfall, with wonderful schemes like Brexit
“I got my boy Donny to sort it all out between Farage and Johnson because I was too busy having my picture taken riding a horse with no shirt on – the ladies love it you know.”
Taking time out to speak about his involvement in the ruse, Mr Trump said: “When my boss in the Kremlin ordered me to kick British butt and sort the situation out, I had no hesitation in getting on it straight away.
“I told that English guy with brown hair who likes to kiss my ass and that English guy with blonde hair who likes to kiss my ass that they had to work together to defeat the EU lovers.
“Job done, which means the boss won’t send pictures of me and my two lady friends in that Moscow hotel room to the Washington Post.”