Jeremy Kyle to undergo live “Lie Detector Test” to prove his devastation

Entertainment, Art & Culture
ITV to make statement on Jeremy Kyle. Ofcom confirm they have a lie detector on standby

Jeremy Kyle has said he is “devastated” following the death of a guest and cancellation of his TV show.

Surprisingly, many question the truth of thee statements of the ITV ‘star’ who is on a contract of £2M year. In response, ITV executives have come up with a bold plan to subject Mr Kyle to his very own lie detector test and salvage the controversial, weekday show from the wreckage.

The ITV Chief executive is Dame Carolyn McCall

“We here at ITV are all equally devastated at recent events.”, claimed Dame Carolyn, “Do you have any idea how much advertising revue a 1.3M audience can command mid-week? Our hastily put together focus group has come up with the idea of ‘turning the tables’ on Jeremy and we are going to dust off the Lie Detector Kit,  in one last, desperate attempt to recoup that income stream……I mean Jeremy’s career.”

Some Polygraph critics, put the polygraph accuracy rate at around 65 percent

Dame Carolyn went onto say, “Obviously, there will need to be some calibration and updating of the lie detecting equipment, to prove the authenticity of Jeremy’s claims. We have a number of control questions to run past him such as ‘Is it really true ITV is still going?’ and we may have to replace the dried “seaweed in the palms ” method, with an actual polygraph.

A regular feature of “The Jeremy Kyle Show” are DNA tests

A press release from ITV goes onto say, “Initially we will subjecting Jeremy to the polygraph, but if this proves to be popular with our advertisers, there are proposals for a whole range JK themed, future programming. We’ve already got his children DNA tested and wait till you hear what his first wife has to say.”

Jeremy Kyle has presented the show for 14 Years.

Morning television goddess Lorraine Kelly, when questioned, responded “Initially I was really nervous about taking on this gig, but some offers are too good to turn down, but I’ve only agreed to take this on if I can wear a Celebrity Cardboard Mask of Jeremy to hide my identity, whilst the audience will be dressed as a pack of baying wolves. It’s got legs… “

  •   
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.