Jeremy Kyle show cancelled for being a dreadful, exploitative crock of shite (+13 other reasons)

Entertainment, Art & Culture, Popular Right Now
Unemployment skyrockets as Govt realises Jeremy Kyle being on TV was the only thing getting Brits out of the house and back into work

ITV has suspended the Jeremy Kyle show. A spokesman claims this is because of a guest who died shortly after appearing on the show.

And the country mourns as ITV confirm it’s not Jeremy Kyle who died.

But many are questioning whether this is indeed the whole story. And our man on the inside says it’s not

Here are the 13 real reasons the Jeremy Kyle Show was taken off air.

Audience figures have declined as viewers sell their TV sets for food.

ITV plans to replace it with a more ethical programme on bear-baiting.

Being a single mum at 17 with three possible fathers is now the norm – and there’s no shame in that!

DNA tests are now available on the NHS.

Laughing at people with mental health issues becomes somewhat less popular in recent years

The person who writes the subtitles has found another job on “The Only Way Is Essex”

Kyle is leaving to focus on creating “Jeremy Kyle The Opera”

He’s also found a ‘more rewarding job’ at Guantanamo Bay.

(In retrospect, replacing the lie detector with waterboarding in the most recent series seems misguided – but life’s a journey, eh).

The Government have also appointed Kyle as head of the Department of Works and Pensions

The shouty man has finally realised the irony of that fact that he’s made a career out of shouting at shouty men to stop shouting

ITV’s budget collapse has forced the channel to replace the show with something even cheaper.

Also though – the show was cancelled after a paternity test reveals he’s not the real creator

(Contributors: Pete Redfern, Simon Paul Miller, Dan Sweryt, Trevor Rudge, Harry White and Roy Darby)
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