January transfer window is open. Theresa May planning to seek alternative premiership role.

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January Transfer Window Open, Theresa May to seek new premiership role

Off the back of a string of poor results Prime Minister Theresa May confirmed publicly in December that she will not be leading the Conservative Party into the next General Election tournament.

Now the January post-Christmas recess transfer window has opened, the PM’s notice to step down could prompt potential offers from other interested Parties to capture the blues’ leader before book deals, punditry and the after-dinner circuit do so.

In a recent vote of confidence 63% of Conservative MPs backed the Prime Minister, rendering the skipper immune from a further vote of confidence for the rest of the 2019 season.

This incredible result against form could attract a lucrative transfer request from struggling newcomers UKIP; for Theresa to be a more permanent replacement for this week’s leader, [Insert Name Of UKIP MEP And Potential Conservative Party Defector Here]. However, the bookies’ favourite seems to be the Labour Party, as a succession of spectacular own-goals from Jeremy ‘Ooo Jeremy’ Corbyn have left dwindling numbers of supporters of the so-called left-winger with very little to cheer about.

A recent poll indicated 47% of the British public thought Theresa May ‘stuck to her principles’.

Despite being ‘on-loan’ to the DUP and having a poor track record in Europe, some life-long die-hard Tory fans admire their gaffer’s ultra-defensive strategy of ‘never capitulating from an opinion, even in the face of an overwhelming attack to the contrary’, and also claiming: ‘she trains well, you’ll never see Theresa sat on the floor of a carriage.’

Theresa May’s reluctance to withdraw from the EU seems a Labour Party no-brainer. Jeremy Corbyn’s reluctance to remain in the EU seems ideally suited to UKIP.

This leaves the natural choice from the ministerial merry-go-round for the next Conservative leader and Prime Minister to be: [Insert Name Of UKIP MEP Defector And Conservative Party Bye-Election Candidate Here].

David Hughes

Written By: David Hughes

David is an aspiring comedy writer who has written mainly for Newsbiscuit. After achieving November writer of the month his ambition is to be a successful stand-up performer without standing up or performing.
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