Jacob Rees-Mogg shows his true colours. Black and White. Outed as dastardly devious silent movie villain

Politics, UK Politics

Despite Theresa May surviving last night’s confidence vote, Jason Rees-Mogg is still insisting she “meet the Queen and resign”.

Tonight, one of Mogg’s inner circle has revealed the real reason for his campaign against the PM.

He may have been masquerading as a sheltered aristocrat desperate to send us all back to the 1800s…

…But he is, in fact, a dastardly devious ye olde silent movie villain.

Rees-Mogg orchestrated the no-confidence coup against the PM – and insists the result of the vote, which she won by a majority of 200 to 117, was “terrible”.

And the vote is but one of a number of schemes Jacob Rees-Mogg has employed to get rid of the Prime Minister.

Last week, he planned to detonate a bomb in the Houses of Parliament triggered by a mobile phone call which only failed because the phone was on the O2 network.

Earlier this week a plan to lock her in a car and fill it with a poison gas failed when the driver flicked a lock override Rees-Mogg was not aware of.

And our source has explained the real reason he’s so keen for her to go and see the Queen. He’s set a series of poorly-placed traps between Downing Street and Buckingham Palace – and he’s sure that ‘this time’ he’s gonna get her.

If that fails, he’s got one last trick up his sleeve. He plans to kidnap the Prime Minister and tie her to a railway line in front of a fast, moving train.

Although that’ll obviously only work if he gets her to leave the country first.

(Oh, and if you’re wondering who our source is, we’ll name no names. But we can tell you she’s the one who changed his nappies when he was four, and still bathes him today…)

Simon Paul Miller

Written By: Simon Paul Miller

Writer for The News Dump, The Rhyming Detective podcast, Big Finish (Doctor Who Short Trips audio story 'Seven To One') and BBC Radio's Newsjack, Newsjack Unplugged & Breaking The News.
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