Jacob Rees-Mogg apologises for being a massive bellend

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has apologised for being a massive bellend.

The Leader of the House of Commons said that although he had previously thought of himself as a ‘hardworking MP diligently striving to achieve a better quality of life’ for his constituents and the rest of the UK, he now realises that he’s ‘a greedy ignorant bellend completely out of touch with the electorate’.

Mr Rees-Mogg was criticised earlier in the week for his comments on LBC which some suggested indicated he thought he was ‘cleverer than most people’.

Rees-Moggs’ original response to the criticism was to say that he has ‘a fuck tonne of cash’ and believed himself to be ‘beyond reproach’ because of it.

But after careful consideration, and bearing the imprint of James’ Cleverley’s boot on his arse, the MP for North East Somerset admitted he’s ‘not your average Jeeves’ and acknowledged he’s ‘just a Himalayan rock salt of the earth posh twat who believes in the class divide and has mildly racist views’.

He said he finds it difficult to accept some people just don’t have a couple of gold bars to rub together but promised that his gardener would dig deep and try to find some empathy and understanding. But failing that a couple of Rothschild’s Orchids would suffice.

Rees-Mogg signed off his apology by appealing for understanding of his own situation. ‘I don’t think people realise,’ he said, ‘just how difficult it is to be better than everyone else’. He went on to say that he finds modern life tough and that, although he’s considered to be ‘a bit of an old relic’, he’s actually ‘as modern as the loom and just as beneficial to the 21st century’.

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