‘Its time to come together and unite behind my disastrous and idiotic plan’ confirms Boris Johnson

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Prime Minister Boris Johnson has called on the people of Great Britain to put three and a half years of bitter division and acrimony to one side and unite behind his moronic, xenophobic and economically ruinous plan.

Mr Johnson made the plea for unity in a televised address to the nation on the day that the UK left the European Union.

‘We are leaving the EU whether you like it or not’ said Johnson. ‘And even if you believe, like most experts, that this is the most bewildering act of national self-harm since Chris Grayling was made Minister for Transport the time has come to put those concerns to one side and pretend that everything is going to be hunky dory’.

‘I know that some citizens of this great country of ours have concerns over job losses, recession, nursing shortages, peace in Northern Ireland, Scottish independence, erosion of workers’ rights, national security and loss of freedom of movement. But today I am reaching out to these people in a spirit of friendship and goodwill to say ‘you lost, get over it. Its time to shut up and do as your told’.

The Prime Minister’s message of reconciliation went down well with pro-Brexit revellers who gathered in Parliament Square to celebrate Brexit.

‘Boris is right’ said leave voter Barry Spurtle. ‘It’s time for the remoaners to stop whingeing and come together in a spirit or harmony and reconciliation, and if they don’t they’ll get a slap’.

‘I believe that this is the dawn of a new era of respect and friendly cooperation with our European neighbours. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve just got to set fire to this EU flag’.

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