Is Meghan Markle pregnant with twins, or is it just one child and a big dinner?

Politics, Top Picks

Meghan Markle displayed her baby bump on Tuesday night as she and her husband, Prince Nude-in-Vegas, attended a Christmas carol service.

This was a notable change, of course, from all those occasions in recent weeks in which Markle has been out and about having left her uterus, umbilical cord and foetus at home with the nanny.

Her figure has intensified rumours that the Duchess of Sussex might be expecting twins.

The few Royalists who are happy to count divorced American actresses as ‘proper’ Royal family, at least, have been happily pouncing upon the slightest scrap of speculation surrounding the Royal pregnancy, as if their lives as mere serfs depend on the Royals producing as many heirs as possible to uphold their monarchical rule over Britain.

Now for some breaking news. It doesn’t.

Research shows that women over 35 (like Meghan) have a slightly higher chance of having twins.

If you’re looking for stats though, the carol service was held in the evening – which means it’s 84% likely the duchess had just tucked into an enormous feast of roasted pauper in swan gravy, which could go someway towards explaining her slight increase in size.

Royal commentators have been left wondering if there will ever be a way to find out whether Meghan is expecting twins or not, as there appears to be no way to put the speculation to rest.

Ever.

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Pete Redfern

Written By: Pete Redfern

Pete has written for various satire sites and hails from Berkshire, where he lives with his wife and two children. Despite looking like a hooligan, Pete has little interest in either football or violence, and instead spends his spare time trying to make people laugh on the internet, mostly unsuccessfully.
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