On Tuesday, Theresa May offered to have a session with Jeremy Corbyn.
Jeremy Corbyn’s head perked up when he heard Theresa May say that she wanted to talk to him; and when she added that it was to look at ways to get her transition deal through, it crashed onto the desk in front of him. However, his head perked up again when John McDonnell said, “I reckon you could have her, Jeremy.”
He was the leader of the opposition. She was the Prime Minister. At first they didn’t get on, in fact they hated each other. But gradually, over heated debates, they got to know each other and, although they kept delaying it, they couldn’t avoid cupid’s arrow. Despite disapproval from their peers, in a twist anyone who’s seen a romantic comedy saw coming a mile off, she made the first move and suggested they get a room.
On Wednesday, Theresa compromised her red lines and met Jeremy Corbyn. The meeting continued into the evening.
Behind closed doors, Jeremy Corbyn admitted he’d always thought she was a ten and Theresa opened her gates of Westminster. They were soon locked in a passionate, heated intercourse with the withdrawal agreement proving a useful substitute for a box of tissues.
Iain Duncan Smith expressed the opinions of many Brexiteers by branding this new development as “appalling”.
MPs on the opposite side of the house were quick to disagree before realising that actually, they did agree, which made them even more angrier and even more confused than anyone had thought possible.
Talks between Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn have been called “constructive”.
Jeremy said, “You know what Theresa and me are gonna do out of the country? We’re gonna have kids, lots of ’em.”
Theresa and Jeremy continued their meeting on Thursday.
After which they had planned to elope. It looks like there could be a happy ending to this story as Theresa and Jeremy headed into the sunset of the UK, but then a soldier shot Jeremy dead. The Secretary of State for Defence, Brexiteer Gavin Williamson, said, “In his defence, he was just doing what he’d been trained to do.”
At this point we should quietly roll the credits for this Brexit-cide Story, but no one currently wants to take any credit for Brexit.