Brexit: EU and UK reach deal but DUP refuses support
The DUP are vowing not to vote for Boris’s deal on Saturday.
They’re bitterly disappointed that the border is to be replaced by a giant McDonald’s drive through.
They desperately wanted it to be a Burger King as they see that as more representative of the needs of the Northern Irish people.
‘The quality of the beef, the buns, and those terrible nuggets, it’s completely unconstitutional’ said a DUP spokesperson.
Mr Johnson countered this by saying that the service in Burger King is far too slow to make a workable border solution and this would lead to the loss of jobs, trade and the death of innocents.
Negotiating teams worked tirelessly through the night on different iterations of the agreement.
Initially they came up with a solution that had four large McDonald’s, a Nando’s and five Domino’s Pizza branches but this was seen as overly complex and difficult to regulate.
A further suggestion with floating ‘Just Eat’ barges forming a flotilla across the Irish Sea was also vetoed.
DUP argued that any role for Stormont needed to be on a cross-community basis
By cross-community they are referring to the apple slices found in Burger King’s kids meals.
These are both healthy for children but also supremely important to the Irish economy as more than a million people make a living by picking, chopping up and carefully placing the slices in boxes.
It’s been the backbone of Northern Ireland’s economy for centuries, with the secret of how to get the slices just right passed down through the ages from father to son.
McDonald’s don’t put apple slices in their kids meals, and this is seen as a bitter blow, nay an insult to the union.
All this focus on the Irish Border however has completely overlooked the fact that the Cornish Fishing fleet is to be replaced by huge floating KFC.