I had no idea convicted sex offender was a criminal, says Prince Andrew (#Satire – just. to. be. clear.)

Popular Right Now, The Royals
Grand Old Duke of York now wishing Jeffrey Epstein hadn't been one of his ten thousand men

The Duke of York has issued a statement explaining his former friendship with sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, saying “at no stage” did he “see or suspect” any criminal behaviour.

Prince Andrew has come in for widescale criticism over his association with the disgraced millionaire who died in jail earlier this month.

But the under-fire Royal has stressed that he is wholly innocent of any wrongdoing.

And his cause is receiving strong support from many quarters.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman emphasised to reporters: “Just because the prince has a long history of mixing with dodgy people like a Libyan gun smuggler, that doesn’t mean he’s a dirty paedo.”

Others who have raced to the prince’s defence include Old Etonian Timothy Utter-Cadd, who said: “All the press is interested in is reporting the bad stuff about Andrew.”

“You never read anything about the good work he does, why is that do you think? I have exactly the same problem. I’m the founder of an organisation which carries out excellent work to help sensitive teenagers stigmatised for their unusual physical appearance. But all the media want to talk about is my court case which comes up next week. I’m innocent by the way.”

The organisation Mr Utter-Cadd was referring to is the Institute For Young Ladies With Big Breasts. “It’s a special college where these poor lasses can train to learn valuable skills that will help them find work and enjoy successful careers, as long as they want to be in the foot massage industry,” he explained.

And controversial conspiracy theorist Frank Johnson from London has done a dramatic U-turn by writing on his website that Prince Andrew is completely innocent.

Only last week Mr Johnson released a lengthy blog  detailing a list of accusations against the prince. But this afternoon, speaking from his home in Brixton, Mr Johnson said he had changed his mind.

“I’ve spoken to certain people in the know who have persuaded me that the Duke of York has done no wrong. Oh and by the way I no longer believe MI6 killed Diana,” added Mr Johnson as he waved to a burly man parked across the road in an ageing white Fiat Uno.


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