A UK company, Emergency Food Storage UK, has launched a ‘Brexit Box’ survival kit. It contains 60 portions of main meals plus 48 portions of meat, a water filter and a fire starter for heating water.
Thank God somebody is finally addressing the main problem commonly associated with changes to border control – boiler failure.
The Box costs almost £300 and company owner James Blake says that over 600 have already been sold.
However, an even more expensive version is being marketed at people “Who can afford to shop in Waitrose but who are still extremely stupid,” explained James.
“The middle-classes are terrified that their status symbols and sense of self-worth are under threat. If their idiosyncratic snacks aren’t available how will they prove that they’re fundamentally different from people who buy massive bags of salt and vinegar crisps from Asda? The economic apocalypse will be a great social leveller.”
The ‘Premium Brexit Box’ costs £1,000 and contains six months’ worth of Earl Grey flavoured almonds, 100 jars of Kale and Smoked Ricotta pesto and enough quinoa for approximately 750 healthy vegan dishes. It also contains hummus – lots of hummus.
In fact, so much of the delicious chickpea-based dip has already been stockpiled that the supply of pre-prepared carrot sticks cannot possibly keep up and the government is on the brink of declaring a national emergency.
The boxes also come in different sizes.
Giving customers the choice of dying one, three or six months after everyone else.
Asked if he thought he was profiteering from people’s concerns about the impact of leaving the EU, James said: “The fear has been around ever since the vote happened because nobody knows what is really going to happen.
“But essentially yes, of course I am. But then most businesses exploit fear – soap manufacturers for example. Everyone buys soap because adverts have made them scared of ‘germs’ – but who actually washes their hands after taking a piss?
“The Brexit Box is exactly the same thing. It’s a comforting presence.