Boris Johnson is expected to announce he will grant the Chinese tech giant Huawei some access to its 5G network.
Dominic Raab, he of the incredible geographic and economic understanding of the importance of the English Channel thinks Huawei are a Newcastle based tech start-up.
The Financial Times confirmed the UK Government are considering imposing a cap on Huawei’s share of the market. While the US has warned the British government it “would be madness” to use Huawei technology in the UK’s 5G network.
This didn’t stop Raab, who continued “it would be a great tie-in for Newcastle to have Huawei buy out the club and emblazon their brand and logo over the Newcastle strip. In fact, forget St James Park, it’s the Huawei the Lads stadium. I don’t even know why I’m Foreign Secretary…I’m brilliant at this.
A US delegation presented the UK with new evidence claiming to show security risks posed by using the Chinese firm.
When pushed on security, a bedazzled and smiling Raab, clearly amazed at his genius continued, “forget all the security risk stuff, Huawei The Lads, come on? It’s perfect.”
US President Donald Trump has sought to pressure Prime Minister Boris Johnson on the issue.
‘Look’, Raab said, overconfidently, at the start of a sentence because he thought it made him sound intelligent and purposeful. “Why has Trump got his knickers in a twist? The Northern folk are great, love a beer, dress half-naked in the freezing cold, and that’s just the bonnie lassies. What’s he on about it? Take your medication old man.”
The head of MI5, Andrew Parker, said he has “no reason to think” the UK’s intelligence-sharing relationship with the US would be adversely affected if Britain used Huawei technology.
“The head of MI5, there. That’s it, perfect. We get him in between Ant and Dec…Photo opp…three Magpies…excellent…Get me Huawei on the phone now bonnie lad…”