House Of Commons will definitely decide fate of Brexit Deal on January 15. “Well, probably definitely… you know, unless we don’t”.

UK Politics
House Of Commons will definitely decide fate of Brexit Deal on January 15. Well, probably definitely... you know, unless we don't. copy

The date for Members of Parliament to decide on Theresa May’s Brexit deal has been set for Tuesday, 15 January.

The House of Commons’ vote was abruptly postponed last month after it became clear the Prime Minister was staring down the barrel of a heavy defeat.

“But it really is definitely definitely going to happen this time. No ifs, buts or maybes, cross my heart and hope to die,” confirmed a Government source with crossed fingers.

“That is unless the Dear Leader has another little wobble and decides to revert to her favourite tactic of sitting in a darkened room and hoping everything bad will just go away by the morning.

“And if that strategy doesn’t work our lion-hearted Prime Minister, famed for her decisiveness and swiftness of thought, has a cunning Plan B up her sleeve – involving kicking the can down the road and introducing yet more delays.”

Theresa May has been holding drinks receptions at Downing Street in a bid to win round Conservative MPs who have so far expressed doubts about her Brexit deal.

However this has proved largely unsuccessful, with her critics saying there’s not enough Chardonnay in the world that could persuade anybody with half a brain cell – drunk or otherwise – to sign up to her half-baked ideas.

In the run up to Brexit, the Irish government has revealed there has been a massive rise in the number of applications for citizenship from British residents.

Interestingly, the latest request to be received by the Irish Embassy in London has come in the post this morning from a Mrs T May of Westminster, who states her case is urgent and needs to be sorted out by March 29.

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