Hollywood enjoys the annual pilgrimage up its own arse

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Hollywood enjoys the annual pilgrimage up its own arse

Stars of the silver screen gathered in LA on Sunday night,

as Hollywood enjoyed its annual pilgrimage up its own arse.

The red carpet welcomed the biggest and best actors,

as they gathered for an evening of faux surprise, crocodile tears and a load of self-obsessed wank.

But of course, not everybody could win one of the gold-plated pieces of tat, and to prevent any of the overpaid, prima donna tossers having a meltdown, everybody was given a goody bag.

This years’ Everybody Wins gift bag was said to be worth $225,000 (that’s £150,00). The most valuable gift being a 12-day cruise.

Just a few short miles from the glitz and glamour of the event, Randy Perez, one of LA’s 23,000 unsheltered homeless, said it was ‘great to hear’ that everybody nominated for a best actor or actress award was going to be able to ‘get away for a couple of weeks this year’. Randy said he often lies awake at night unable to sleep for fear that ‘some billionaire film star is so busy they don’t get a real break and just have to settle for flying to exotic locations and staying in 5-star hotels while being paid obscene amounts of money’. Other nights he lies awake because it’s fucking freezing, he hasn’t eaten for 3 days and he’s wondering how long it would take for someone to notice if he died overnight.

This year’s Oscars made history with South Korean film Parasite being named best picture, making it the first non-English language film to take the top prize.

Various other films won various other prizes and many top stars made emotional speeches, thanked everyone they know and then got whammed on free champagne.

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