Hogwarts dissociate themselves from former pupil Boris after he mutters ‘Constituencicus Expellum’ spell

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Hogwarts dissociate themselves from former pupil Boris after he mutters ‘Constituencicus Expellum’ spell

The prime minister has faced a rebellion by senior Conservative MPs over plans to effectively block the UK leaving the EU without a deal on 31 October.

Wizarding school Hogwarts have dissociated themselves from their former spell-spewing pupil after he muttered the all-powerful ‘Constituencicus Expellum’ spell, that should never be used unless an MP has been caught speeding or fiddling their expenses.

Johnson yesterday withdrew the Whip from 21 members of the Tory Party, promising to expel them from the party for the next election.

The college were most concerned when Mr Johnson teamed up with he-who-shall-not-be-named – Dominic Voldemort – and all wizarding regulations started to be ignored for the purposes of financial gain.

Johnson lost the vote by 328 votes to 301.

Head teacher and world’s oldest man, Albus Dumbledore, said, “It is with great regret that we must dissociate ourselves from the man who is perhaps the most adept at randomly muttering Latin-based spells in everyday conversation, making it all look funny and bumbly when he is, in fact, covertly spellbinding the easily suggestible with pro-Brexit wizardry.

“Whilst Boris was here, his pronunciation of the spells was second to none. So much so, in fact, it was actually his attempts at English that no-one could understand.

“I hope Mr Johnson realises the error of his ways, before the Dementors get him like they will with that Cummings fellow.”

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