Heseltine loses Tory whip. MPs urged to seek BDSM services elsewhere.

UK Politics
Heseltine loses Tory whip. MPs urged to seek alternative BDSM services

Lord Heseltine loses Tory whip after endorsing the Lib Dems

This has caused outrage amongst the Tory faithful, as they will now have to seek alternative BDSM services.

The Chief Whip in the House of Lords has informed Lord Heseltine that he will have the Conservative whip suspended

“‘Tarzan’s Dungeon’, has been a popular haunt for many unnamed MPs, with super-injunctions, for decades”, stated an unnamed MP, allegedly, “They can take away his whip, but let’s hope the rack, suspension ropes and hot wax are kept firmly in his possession”

Speaking to Sky News, Lord Heseltine said: “They can take away the whip but they cannot take away my integrity, my convictions or my experience. I am a Conservative.”

“This means staying true to the finest traditions of corporal punishment, caning, the wearing of fine leather (or latex)  and rope play. These true principals at the heart of conservatism must remain intact”, he went on to add

Fellow Conservative politician and MP, Andrew Bridgen said “I find Lord Heseltine’s arrogance that he knows better than the majority of the electorate really quite breath-taking.”

“I urge all true Conservative supporters, to seek alternative avenues for their BDSM needs. There are many in the party, who are tired of Lord Heseltine’s old ways and are seeking new, viable alternatives to his views. Perhaps by introducing mild electrocution or ball-gagging, into the dungeon”, he added.

Chief Whip of the Liberal Democrats in the House of Lords is Baron Ben Stonham of Droxford

“Our entrances are always open to someone of Lord Heseltine’s experience. We would only be too happy to welcome Michael into the fold at ‘Bunny’s Burrow’ “, he joyfully clapped.

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