The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have announced they will step back as ‘senior royals’
due to a ‘lack of scandal’.
In a statement the couple said they were ‘disappointed’ that Prince Andrew had gone ‘off the scale’ and it would be ‘almost impossible to top him.’
Last January Prince Phillip crashed his car near Sandringham and in November Zara Phillips was stopped doing 91mph by Gloucestershire police.
But Harry is said to be ‘furious’ that Prince Andrew ‘gazumped’ the rest of the family with his ‘shenanigans and his subsequent car crash of an interview.’
Harry and Meghan now plan to spend half of their time in America.
And the other half at that famous place of royal sanctuary – Pizza Express in Woking.
Shortly after the announcement Buckingham Palace said discussions with the couple ‘are at an early stage.’
With a senior royal aide describing it as ‘the sort of discussion that involves a pair of ginger bollocks being placed in a vice while the Queen demands some answers.’
The royal family are said to be ‘upset’ by the news.
They say Harry had shown ‘early promise’ with his Nazi costume antics and naked pool playing, and urged him not to ‘let an outbreak of decency ruin his chances of a more high-profile scandal.’ Instead they said he should consider ‘just dropping a few of his grandads’ quotes in next time he addresses one of the colonies.’
Senior royals believe there would be ‘huge interest’ in topless photos of the Duchess should she choose to expose her breasts in a ‘far more public manner than the prudish Kate’ and asked the couple to think again in order to ‘prevent the family relying on the likes of Zara Phillips for all future press coverage.’