Hannibal Lector to meet with Boris to discuss food shortages over a nice Chianti and some fava beans

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Hannibal Lector to meet with Boris to discuss food shortages over a nice Chianti and some fava beans

Psychologists say eating members of the same species is natural and we could ‘adapt to human flesh if need be’

Hannibal Lector confirmed this in an email to Johnson, proposing they meet over dinner.

‘Expected Brexit fuelled food shortages can be easily remedied by looking to your fellow man,’ a drooling Lector said, cracking open a new bottle of his favourite red – a vintage 1990. ‘This is also the perfect solution to those who wish to reduce their carbon imprint, but don’t want to cut back on a nice steak with additional dauphinoise side.’

For humans though, cannibalism is the ultimate taboo. In fact, our aversion to cannibalism is so strong that consent and ethics count for little.

Johnson baulked at the suggestion. ‘Commonly held ethics and morals must surely be challenged if we’re to survive as a human race,’ he said. ‘Half of society didn’t get to where it is today without a little bit of questionable morality, perhaps it’s time we stopped being so judgemental and supported our fellow man. By eating him.’

Survivors of the famous 1972 Andes plane crash waited until near starvation before succumbing to reason and eating those who had already died.

‘At dark times, we must do what we have to, to survive,’ said Lector. ‘Piers Morgan agreed when I last saw him.’

Piers Morgan was unavailable for comment.

(Additional Material: Daniel Burt and Robbie Sunderland)
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