Green Party vow to make the UK Carbon Free by 2030
Yes, you read that right, no more carbon by 2030 in the UK, and that means no pencils!
Artists, school teachers and builders are waking up to the news today that a vote for the greens would make their lives unbearable.
Were the Greens to get into power their first act would be a pencil amnesty.
The entire population would be invited to anonymously bring anything from an H2 to a B8 pencil, charcoal and any other carbon based drawing implement to police stations with no questions asked.
However after an initial 30 day period, anyone found in possession of a pencil will be liable for a hefty fine or even face imprisonment.
Owners of the more dangerous ‘propelling’ style pencils would be ostracised under a ‘name and shame’ policy inviting neighbours to dob them in, in return for a free solar panel.
Under the slogan ‘Erase Pencils’ the battle horse and cart (busses use too much carbon) is touring the country spreading the word.
Two art teachers from Corby have already started receiving death threats about their excessive use of charcoal.
Rumours that pen manufacturer’s Parker, Staedtler and Mont Blanc have been giving hefty donations to the party have been fervently denied…
When asked what they would do with all these pencils once they had been collected the Green Party were unable to give a straight answer.
For the moment the owners of rubbers or ‘erasers’ as people who make jokes about condoms call them, are safe from prosecution but it’s a slippery slope.