Govt scraps porn blocker scheme as research shows cabinet to be ‘biggest wankers in the country’

Science and Tech, UK Politics
Govt scraps porn blocker scheme as research shows cabinet to be 'biggest wankers in the country'

The government has dropped a plan to introduce a controversial ‘porn blocker’ scheme in the UK.

The decision comes after research revealed that cabinet members are some of the biggest wankers in the country.

The porn blocker, originally designed to combat under 18’s accessing inappropriate material, would have forced commercial porn providers to verify users’ ages, or face a UK ban.

But researchers, who expected to find that the biggest group of wankers in the country was teenage boys, were surprised to discover  the accolade for wanker-in-chief went to Boris Johnson, with Jacob Rees-Mogg coming a close second, and making an absolute mess of a Downing Street chair.

Other prominent figures who made the list were Piers Morgan, Jeremy Kyle and Nigel Farage, who said he was disappointed to only make the grade as a ‘secondary wanker’ owing to his complete lack of power and influence over anything.

The government first mooted the idea of a porn blocker in 2015, with the aim of stopping youngsters ‘stumbling across’ inappropriate content.

But research has shown that under 18’s are quite honest and have no problem admitting they set out to find porn on the internet. This is in stark contrast to MP’s who were found to be statistically prone to ‘stumbling across’ pornographic websites, prostitutes and cocaine whilst trying to legitimately go about their business of funding a local community group or improving the lot of vulnerable constituents.

Announcing the decision, a government spokesman said the Prime Minister was unavailable for comment as he had ‘his hands full’, although he refused to say of what.

  •   
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.