Govt announces extra £2.1bn funding for No-deal Brexit, “just on the off chance it’s a total fucking disaster”

UK Politics
Govt announces extra £2.1bn funding for No-deal Brexit, just on the off chance it's a total fucking disaster

The government has announced an extra £2.1bn of funding to prepare for a no-deal Brexit.

Announcing the extra funding Chancellor, Sajid Javid said Boris Johnson is so confident his Brexit plan will ‘make Britain great again’, that he’s even ordered a whole load baseball caps displaying the slogan from a bespoke printing company in Krakow. But the Chancellor said it’s important ‘important funds are set aside just on the off chance that Brexit does turn out to be a total fucking disaster.’

The plans include more border force officers and upgrades to transport infrastructure at ports, and on the road networks in Kent.

With 92 days until the UK is due to leave the EU Javid was adamant there’s ‘plenty of time’ for ‘negotiations, parliamentary debate, a series of indicative votes, more negotiations, a few speeches, admission that negotiations have failed, laying blame on the former Labour government, a hike in taxes, tendering, negotiations with a number of struggling UK based roadwork companies and an eventual agreement for a company from abroad to do the work for us. And if all else fails Boris does a great line in spin.’

The package also includes money for stockpiling medicines to ensure continued supplies.

‘Of course, we’re confident that in the long run the UK will have so much cash we’ll be able to offer free prescriptions on the NHS to anyone who’s contributing, say, £90 per month for access to the service. But for the time being we just want to be in receipt of all available medicines so we can control their supply and demand and maybe increase the cost as a sort of surreptitious tax on the most needy people in society, because it’s important we stick our Conservative values.

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