Government “has a plan” to avoid no-deal drugs shortage, as Health Secretary prepares to Break Bad.

Home Affairs
Government has a plan to avoid no-deal drugs shortage, as Health Secretary prepares to Break Bad

Matt Hancock, the health secretary, has said efforts are under way to ensure medicines remain available in the event of a no-deal Brexit.

He tapped his nose conspiratorially and held up his box set of Emmy-award winning “Breaking Bad”. The program stars Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul and follows a mild-mannered chemistry teacher who slowly becomes a drug kingpin. It is unclear what part of the shoe’s narrative will form the basis of No Deal preparations, but based on Hancock’s excited demeanor, he seems keen to illegally produce narcotics.

Matt Hancock’s confirmation of the preparations followed reports that senior figures are examining ways to reboot the economy if the UK leaves the European Union without an agreement in place.

But suspicions were raised when leaked records showed the health secretary had bought a 1986 Fleetwood Bounder off the Internet.

And it isn’t just Health that is making preperarions. According to the Financial Times, officials from the Treasury, Cabinet Office, business and trade departments are meeting with the head of the civil service to develop emergency plans as part of an initiative called “Project After”.

Despite having a needlessly apocalyptic name, the plans have reportedly been stalled, as the relevant ministers once spent a full hour stating “I am the one who knocks” in a variety of gravelly voices.

The only confirmed plans involve throwing a pizza on the roof of EU headquarters.

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