Government asks Supreme Court to ban Supreme Courts

Home Affairs, UK Politics
“There's no culture of fear in government - and I’ll sack anyone who disagrees” insists Dominic Cummings

The Supreme Court is due to make a decision on parliamentary prorogation early next week.

However, UK Brexit Government plc have demanded that the Supreme Court bans Supreme Courts because they get in the way of the government doing whatever the fuck it wants whenever the fuck it wants to.

The Supreme Court heard arguments over three days from both the government and opponents that say the five-week prorogation is being used as a tool to force through a no-deal Brexit.

A man, some knight of the realm, who doesn’t actually believe a word of what he was arguing but might get a peerage for doing so, argued with all the charisma of a decrepit fence, the government’s case with a Supreme Court who should be commended, if only for staying awake.

The man has been promised that if he finishes after October 31st, he will also be awarded both Footballer of the Year and a Bafta.

The Supreme Court exists to examine that what everyone is doing is done in a legal and fair way.

Governmental legal adviser, Barabus Valentine, said, “The problem with Supreme Courts is that they look at what everyone is doing and democratically decide if what people are doing is legal and good for the citizens of Britain.

“Obviously this is completely at odds with what the current government are trying to do.

“They want to be able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, in order to either pay less tax, or have their mates pay less tax because otherwise they won’t be mates anymore.

“The Supreme Court upholds democracy and parliamentary sovereignty, though the government argues they do neither, when in fact it’s them doing neither under the pretence of doing both.

“If we get rid of them, this country will function so much better. We can get stormtroopers in, who do a much better job of upholding their own brand of law.”


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