Government admits PPE shortage, also admits something “fishy” about Prince Andrew and hints at egg/mayonnaise link

UK Politics
Government admits PPE shortage, also admits something fishy about Prince Andrew and hints at egg-mayonnaise link

The government has accepted that some personal protective equipment (PPE) is in short supply, unions confirmed that NHS staff may refuse to work if their safety couldn’t be guaranteed.

We caught up with Preston resident John Timms who admitted to being confused by the announcement.

Referring to a recent speech made by definite, real human being Priti Patel, Timms added ‘The government always said they’d provided adequate PPE to NHS workers.’

‘But then I’d speak to every NHS worker I knew and they’d be like “no, they haven’t” ‘

‘Then Matt Hancock said they’d provided enough PPE and that staff there we wasting it.’

‘So I thought, “oh, ok they must have sorted it since yesterday.” but then I spoke to every NHS worker I knew and they said “No, they haven’t, no we aren’t wasting it, yes Matt Hancock is a cunt.” ‘

Timms admitted following this latest announcement he didn’t know what to think “A spokesman said that 400,000 new gowns should be arriving for NHS staff to cover demand, but then I spoke to every NHS worker I knew and they all said ‘No, it won’t, the government’s entire cabinet would be out of their depth in the shallow end of an empty swimming pool.” ‘

At press time, it is understood that numerous NHS staff have been telling Timms ‘Stop asking me questions, I’m fucking busy!’

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