Government adds a day to Feb to delay Brexit. Insider admits they got the idea from The News Dump.

UK Politics
Government adds a day to Feb to delay Brexit. Insider admits they got the idea from The News Dump

In a speech to the House of Commons yesterday, MP Peter Wishart has pointed out to the House that the Government has published a schedule that includes the non-existent date of the 29th February 2019!

A remarkably similar ploy to our article from January 7th 2019 – in which we suggested the next phase in Theresa May’s Brexit Procrastination plan was to implement her own May-an Calendar – which brought forward December by nine months so that it sat between February and March…

May-An Calendar

And there can only be one logical conclusion.

Someone inside Number 10 is a regular News Dump reader – and is stealing our ideas, then using them to craft actual government policy.

With that in mind, here are a few more pieces of Government Policy you can expect to be appearing over the coming months.

Surely the Government will now revoke Jacob Rees-Mogg’s UK citizenship because he’s been spending too much time in La-La land as we published yesterday…

Jacob Rees-Mogg's British Citizenship revoked - having lived mostly in La La Land since age 15

Wouldn’t the UK be a more buoyant place, at least for toddlers, if the Government’s department for Housing attempted to resolve the housing crisis by implementing this Bouncy Castle policy we wrote about a few weeks ago?

Government pitches new plan to solve housing crisis. An Englishman's home is his (bouncy) castle

Brexit is really no excuse for MPs not to have called for the “Urgent” Facebook regulations we published to prevent the terrible future warned of by time travellers?

MPs call for Urgent Facebook regulation to prevent the future warned of by time travellers

Theresa May teaming up with Donald Trump to kill Spider-Man does sound like the sort of thing they would do…

Trump pledges trade Post-Brexit - but only if May teams up to help him kill Spider-Man

University Students should be worried about this one…

Report reveals 'too few' poor university students. Government plans to make all students poorer in response

Nice to know that one beneficiary of an increasingly likely ‘No Deal’ Brexit will be Pirate Pete’s Party Pedalos…

Seaborne Freight lose controversial no-deal contract. Replaced by a company that actually owns ships- Pirate Pete's Party Pedalos

And will Jacob Rees-Mogg become the head of the Catholic Church in the UK as, after Brexit, we’ll no longer be subservient to authorities in Europe? This is essential reading for those who don’t know the words to the Brexit Prayer…

Rumour has it that, in addition to creating the 29th February 2019, the Government and the EU have moved April Fools Day to March 29th when they will issue a joint statement over Brexit which says, “GOTCHA!” And, oh, how we’ll all have a big laugh about it as we get things back to normal.

Remember that here on News Dump we have a policy that anything in bold is true, anything not is almost certainly a joke.

This is important, especially for those News Dump readers who work in the Government.

(Note: This article was originally scheduled for publication on the 29th February 2019.)

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