Micheal Gove has said that he is “not wedded” to the UK’s October 31st Brexit deadline, because it is “arbitrary.” Mr. Gove is one of the contenders to be the next Prime Minister.
“The social constructs of calendars, dates times are all illusions we have woven for ourselves, you know?” said Mr. Gove at a press conference. He appeared unfocused and mellow and his remarks lasted just over 4 hours. “What you say is Monday, might not be the same as what I say is Monday, yeah? It’s like… Monday could be Tuesday. Do you see what I’m saying? Monday could BE Tuesday, guys!”
Mr. Gove said that the UK must not be bound by a “fixed” date if it needs more time to get a deal.
“Dates can’t be fixed anyway, not by the EU, not by anybody! We are all just dust and air, doing our cosmic thing.” He then stared into space for approximately 12 minutes until an aide sprayed what appeared to be Lynx Body Spray under his nose. In response to the question, “Mr. Gove, are you high?” he said, “No it’s supposed to be, ‘Hi Mr. Gove!'” and waved at the assembled journalists.
The UK was originally supposed to leave the EU on March 29th. The deadline was pushed back to April 12th and then finally October 31st as MPs refused to approve Theresa May’s withdrawal agreement.
Journalists asked Mr. Gove how he expected to run the country if he did not believe in set dates, times and deadlines. He replied, “Run the what?!” It was at this point he seemed the most energetic than at any other point in the conference. He had a quick side conversation with his aides, then returned to the podium. “Look sorry guys, I totally got like, the wrong end of the stick with this whole thing. Run the country? Me? I literally do not even know what day it is.” He then left the room to resounding applause.