With just weeks to go until the extended EU leave date, Theresa May is still scrabbling to secure a deal. In this political turmoil, Britain needs a hero to step in and save the day.
Cue reality star Gemma Collins, who yesterday valiantly announced on Good Morning Britain, that she could help Theresa May fix Brexit, stating that Parliament should just “get on with it” as the situation was becoming “boring”. Mrs May is now so desperate, she’ll literally try anything, and so has enlisted Ms Collins to help move Brexit forward.
So, what’s Gemma Collin’s grand plan?
If there’s one thing Gemma Collins knows, (well, actually it’s the only thing she knows), it’s reality television.
It took some convincing, but after successfully encouraging Mrs May to “let your hair down Theresa hun”, and doing some Tequila slammers in the House of Commons, Gemma has finally got parliament to settle on a no deal Brexit, in favour of signing another deal with ITV2, for new reality series; The Only Way is Bressex! ( TOWIB for short)
Here’s what to expect in the new series:
- John Bercow narrates the show.
- Theresa May get’s a vajazzle, and launches a new line of kitten heels for BooHoo.com
- Boris Johnson gets a boob job and looks to find love on Celebrity Love Island. (The Island being the UK, the villa being David Cameron’s shed).
- Jeremy Corbyn quits show immediately, to start new jam making venture, but with no fresh fruit being imported under new trade laws, can only make potato jam.
- Michael Gove quits the show to appear on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! but after a public vote reaches 50:50 on whether or not he should leave, remains stuck in the jungle for eternity.
- Unfortunately, what with increased travel costs to the EU, ITV2 could not afford to film the series special abroad, so The Only Way is Marbs will change to, The Only Way is Blackpool.
And like The Only Way is Essex, The Only Way is Bressex will be “scripted reality”, with most of the cast (parliament) and plot (news) being exaggerated (total lies) for entertainment purposes (their own benefit).